Somebody on Facebook whom I’ve never met in person asked me if I’d help foster a puppy. I said maybe, but I sure better talk to my husband first! The next thing I knew she was sending me a whole litter. It’s the damnedest thing–it didn’t even occur to me to say no. Do you think I had a mini-stroke? What are the symptoms? Maybe it never really happened. Do you smell smoke? I better go lie down. They’ll be here Saturday.
In a weak moment, I’d gotten a enormous bucket of fried chicken. I was looking for a place to pull over and eat it when I saw this mob of desperate homeless people on the roadside with four fires, four spits, and four puppies. I got there just in time! I gave them the chicken in exchange for the puppies’ lives.
I was out in the backyard, when the ground shook, and I saw this hole, like a den. And one by one, these puppies popped out! I waited for their mother, but no sign of her. And then out of nowhere, the earth shook, and the hole closed up. It was awful! I hope the mother wasn’t still in there! Didn’t you feel the tremors? I’m sure the it’ll be on the news tonight.
I was driving back from coffee with a friend when this bright light blinded me, and the car stalled. Through the glare I could make out this huge tubular silver shape overhead. I thought it must be a drone, but then there was this bald creature with huge eyes, and-and-and an anal probe–I was terrified! I must’ve passed out. When I came to, I was still in my car–and dressed, thank God. I thought it was all a freaky dream, but then I heard whimpering in the back seat, and there were these three puppies! Do you think they might be aliens?
I was in the mall and this guy wearing a turban with a sickle-moon pin on it came up to me and gave me three wishes. I was thinking about whether I should ask for world peace,a press pot, or unlimited funding for public radio when I laughed and said, “Wow, I’m such a yuppie.” He said, “Done!” and vanished. There I stood in the middle of the mall with three puppies in my arms.